Thursday, August 6, 2009

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

I had my consultation yesterday, a brief overview of the "Sistruck Procedure." I am not fretful of the surgery, just the anesthesia. I would rather get there and someone taser me in the back. Knock me out unknowingly then give me the drug. Clunk me over the head with a small hammer. Ask me about my day and sneak like a thief. Pick pocket me, jab me with medicine, just don't tell me I am going under! Anticipation is the worst. All in all, I am told that being under is a happening place to be. And there are others that will greet me in my Twilight? What is so happening? What chariot awaits? Carol Amy, don't go to the light!
I will be sleeping beauty, quietly lying, stretched and sound, and in my best Henry The Eighth impersonation, "off with my lump." In reality, I should be singing the glorious praises of "my lump, my lump, my lovely lady lump." She will not be missed. There will be a biopsy done which is protocol. If they come back with the "C" word, which we all know is, "Could this be your twin?", I will be highly upset! There better not be teeth and bones in this fluid filled freak of nature. It will be long gone and replaced by a scar that hopefully does not resemble Young Frankenstein. I was told that it is such a small scar. The creases of my neck will hide any line. Yeah, when I am eighty. There is also an 8-10 percent chance of it reoccurring. If that happens I will be having a "Car Trunk Procedure."
My friendly neighbors are offering food. I hope they know what they are getting into with four kids and two adults. Bless their hearts though! One is even getting me a scarf. Somehow I see glimpses of Grey Gardens.
I am going to have the best sleep of my life, according to many. I am afraid, I will admit, but I know that the doctor and nurse will watch over me. Just make sure, good doctor, to bring me back. I have laundry to do!


  1. You have such wit despite going under the knife. You will be fine. It's like getting your wisdom teeth pulled, out one second, waking up the next. But if you haven't had that done you don't know what I'm talking about. Count backwards from 100, you'll only get to about 96. Maybe when you wake up you will laugh, cry or none of the above.
    Anyways, your mom will contact us I'm sure when the surgery is done and you are in recovery. So much for your second job as a male impersonator! LOL

  2. Praying for ya cuz. Sleeping drugs are the best. I certainly wouldn't advise surgery with it! You won't feel a thing.

  3. LOL..............

  4. Hey...........we're awaiting your next blurb....are you OK?