Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Everything She Liked #3....

Taking those thoughts to heart, she double bolted the door and turned to the entry way. She noticed the parquet maple flooring was a bit dusty and proceeded to the kitchen for a damp cloth. Near the counter, a bottle of vodka. "A bit early for the drink." She grabbed an icepick, opened the fridge and made her way to the icebox. A cold cocoa cola would be her poison.
"Oh fiddle- sticks Henry." The cat purred while feeling the tousle of familiar hands.
A knock at the door made her jump to her feet. Under her breath she whispered, "Breathe baby, breathe."

"Breathe baby, breathe. Breathe Betty. Wake up!"
"What?" Betty felt her surroundings. The crumbling papers awakened her senses and she quickly snapped out of her stupor. She felt her broken glasses on the right side and put them on. The release of her squint softened the lines on her face and an early morning familiar sun beat down with a vengeance.
" Time to move."


  1. This strays and meanders a bit but I get the jist....I can actually picture the room with the filtered light...the old Fridgidaire...comfy chair...as meticulous as you are, the reader is seduced into imagining the scenario through their own eyes. You are carefully introducing us to Betty and I am anxious to feel her "breathe"...keep at it!!!

  2. Breathe Betty transition was a bump. Presuming Betty is the original character, mentioning her name anywhere earlier on would help.
    Presuming this is a flashback to different place and time - some brief mention of time, local, or even another character would make transition clearer I think.